It all comes back to listening

April 4 was a show at Sullivan Hall in the village. It's a place I've been playing a lot lately, and a place I will forever associate with my first gigs alone without the JDB. Well, that didn't last long. Ha! I rocked the trio scene for the first few shows. It was music that was definitely reflective of my mood at the time. Dark, brooding, you know the feelings. There was some emotion that had to be let out in a thrashing rock n roll sort of way I guess. Funny how that time has already passed. It was, as I will say, my only garage band! Anyways, April 4 was a completely new vibe - especially with me. Writing even some more new music for the show, and doing some that had already worked, was the plan. I welcomed NYC guitar pro (ha!) Steve Elliot, who showed up and just ate the whole night for a snack! It was like we had all been playing together for years and tours. And of course, Geoff Kraly on bass, a friend, a great player who is kind of like water in musical situations.  Then there was Dan, Pat and Sarah, in the back room. It was awesome seeing them there. Everything is open ended at this point because everyone is really doing there own thing right now. I was so happy to have their presence at the show - I think it really relaxed me and made me feel at home. I have to say my relationships with the band (JDB) has been the closest to a sibling relationship I've ever had. We had some beers and felt really loose! I like that Wayne Krantz album title - Long to be Loose! 

***** We went on stage. I immediately went into "I don't know the man" and I knew from the first note that it was gonna be sick.  I played the rhythm on the tune on the rims, quietly, letting it happen. I heard volume swells and I felt vibes being discovered around me. Four spirits surrounding a common goal to create a pyramid of sound, aiming at the sun! What? HAHA. No really -- you have to think that way! What else is there? I listened. The groove was right in front of me. There was no need to think anything but hilarious thoughts that had nothing to do with the music, because the music was already there! We rocked! Brand new music -- open. These new songs are cool -- I know there is so far to go with my writing, but I feel like some of them are cool because they are open pallets for expression - there is a lot of space in the music for improvisation, something I think I need in a show. Two guitars! Not something I think I can afford everyday. Damn it was fun. I love guitar. I like watching two guitar players interact - there is something about it that is so much cooler than drummers, to me. They traded off roles - I heard the roots of americana -- blues, jazz, soul music. The solos went through the roof. The messages of the songs were delivered. 

*****The song AM heroes in an FM world is a song I have been struggling with, mostly because I feel the lyrics so strongly, but keep changing the music because I just can't find the right vibe - and still haven't! But at least on April 4 I felt i was delivering the proper message. This is song I always wanted to perform. It's about the unsung heroes in music. The club date musicians who load up their cars in the dead of winter at 1 am after a weekend of weddings. You'll find Class A musicians doing that work. It always made me feel something. "see the legend in the corner, don't know his name." Think of some old jazz player who had to make ends meet. He puts on a tux when the weekend comes. There are so many talents and not as much work. We are all thankful for the work that is in this area. I also thought of great musicians that we've lost over the years. Some have been in tragic ways, like the recent plane crash in Buffalo, where we lost Gerry Niewood, a staple musician in the NYC area for 30+ years. I had gone to school with his son and done 5 or  gigs with him. I thought about those people like heroes. I remember when I was writing the song with tears in my eyes thinking about this. There is no celebrity is this line of work. You are an artist first! As I keep going on my path, which is littered with business banter and label talks, meetings and image consultants and "hip scenes", I have to remember that this is not what it's really about! I want to be with the AM. We all want to succeed - and there is nothing wrong with business, networking, or being smart about your life and future. But, we do what we do, and we do it the best we can, and that is it. Don't feel like a failure if you are making a living doing what you love. Keep growing and your time will come. "If money didn't shout! We'd see these Am heroes ridin through the night." Of course, overly dramatic is one of my tendencies:)  We do, however, carry this weight of pleasing the public, the popular, the newest thing. We think " who's gonna pay the ticket?? Who's gonna believe in me?" " How can I get to the top?"  I know that regardless of where I am in my journey, which has been amazing thus far, the show on April 4 might as well have been to a million people. The spirit of music was truly there and we reaching the mountaintop together. WOO. I am thankful for that experience. When you listen and relax, your sister and your brother help you along -- we all push together instead of one person trying to push it all. That's a real lesson - I still don't know if I've got it.