Land of the midnight sun russia is crazy
hello neighbor * I have been on a wild ride lately. Here are some cool thoughts and experiences I had in Siberia. Just a blog about everyday life on the road. I tried my best to describe it and capture some feeling. Sometimes the road is boring - it's always an adventure.
It is the beginning of winter here in the depths of Siberia. I never thought I’d say I was traveling to Siberia to play music, but like so many other things, it happened. The locals say there are only two seasons, winter and green winter. Apparently, the extremes are observed year round. In the summer the days are very long and it can get in the 90s, and the winter, well you can imagine how cold it gets. So here I am, with Bill Evans, saxophonist extraordinaire, in the middle of the land of the rising sun. Time to witness the wildlife, the nightlife, the barren land in between cities. We had been there before in June. We were traveling with pianist Alex Nakivmosky, an Russian American, who would prove to be huge for us considering we had no clue about the language. We would meet up with two other Russian musicians, completeing our band of pirates for this stretch of touring in Siberia.
October 26, 2009
Right now, I find myself in a desolate hotel in the city of Kemerovo. I just woke up from what was supposed to be a short nap. Instead I just realized it was midnight. I had dosed off around 7 pm. Unbelievable. I partially mad at myself, but I guess I will be returning home in 2 days so I might as well start getting my body used to the opposite anyways. This hotel is old and has vibes of a Russia passed. The ladies who work here are old and seem to have been working here for years. The older folks in this country have seen things that we’ve only read about in books. It’s heavy to think about. There is a WW2 museum down the road that I am looking forward to checking out tomorrow. For now, I write this in the abandoned lobby. All the lights are off. Nothing is open for blocks around except for a little 24-hour corner we found where I got some tomato juice and yogurt. Strange combo for a snack, but you should’ve seen what I had to choose from.
PART ONE –
I had been to Russia already with Bill Evans in June. The weather was nice, quite hot actually. This time I knew it would be different. This tour started in Ekaterinburg, which is about a 3-hour flight east of Moscow. We flew into Moscow with flying colors. We had to taxi to another airport to catch our next flight. That is always fun. Moscow probably has the worst traffic I’ve ever witnessed – no joke. There is always traffic. We arrived to the next airport, only to find out that we had an 8-hour lay over. YUCK. It was Bill, Russian American pianist (and Connecticut resident) Alex Nakivmosky and I. Wonderful! We were TIRED. We quickly found nourishment. I had just gotten off the road with an artist named Diane Birch. I was used to fitness centers, Whole Foods, and stuff like that, even with the long ass drives we were making in the US. I had a clue that Russia would be the opposite health-wise. I was so hungry. We found a nice place in the airport where you just grabbed a tray and went for it. I took the black bread, the pickles, a seaweed salad, borscht (yummy), stuffed cabbage, pierogies, the whole nine yards! It was killer! We then proceeded to hang in that airport for what seemed like forever. I actually slept sitting up for an hour or so. My body felt like total shit.
I woke up and needed coffee. There were dueling cafes near where our stuff was. Euro House music was blaring in stereo. I started to people watch while I attempted to find free wifi. My order for food was a game of charades. I kept speaking Spanish because that is my default foreign language where I am away. Weird! I have to say one saving grace in Russia is that you will see a drop dead beautiful girl every couple of minutes if you just sit and watch. My back was all tangled up. I needed a bucket of water. The toilet paper is literally sandpaper. Bill Evan is sleeping and I think Alex might even be drooling. I am sitting here, drinking a latte, just waiting.
Finally, we boarded the plane. One thing to know in Russia, I have yet to see any gates connected to the actual body of the airport. Therefore, you have to sardine into an overflowing bus that carts you over to the plane. At that moment my mind turns everything to black and white and I find myself in some old movie about the European struggle in some Balkan country. Well maybe that’s a little far fetched, but these buses SUCK. The traveling is less than rock star. We finally landed in Ekateerinburg. Refuge. The hotel was nice. I had my guitar and was looking forward to playing and doing some writing. I had no idea my first night was going to be an unforgettable one. J
– WATCH WHAT YOU DRINK
This tour seemed easy. The performance tonight was literally a 45-minute set in a famous Russian photographer’s studio. There was a small stage set up. We were special guests. I was reminded that in Russia nothing could ever happen fast. Our sound check took close to 3 hours, just because. I was the walking dead, but excited! We had a “press conference” in the afternoon. It was a riot. Microphones with name tags, cameras and translators. They asked some cool questions, making me feel like some kind of celebrative. I realized jazz was such a new thing here that the people were going pretty crazy over it! Cool. We did our best at the press conference and made our way to the next thing. We arrived for the show and realized we had stepped into a pretty cool situation. We were on about the 20th floor. There were about 50 chairs set up. There were orderves and bottles of wine. The photos and art exhibited were mostly nude black and whites. It was some Adam and Eve, George and Martha Washington type shit. Guests were all dressed to the hilt in sexy, fashionable clothing. It was on the verge of being a freak show. I thought at any minute clothes were just going to fly off and we were going to be in the middle of some serious shit. But it ended up not being Eyes Wide Shut, unfortunately for my jet lagged mind. It was just a jazz concert L I have a hard time containing myself in these situations. I went for the white wine. I had hydrated myself fairly well, and was excited to get a buzz on and play some music. This wine was cheap wine. Don’t do it Josh! 10 glasses down like water. There was not much food and what was there was pretty bad. YUCK -- the next day it looked the same coming out.
OK - insert band description and introduction to characters I met.
We had barely rehearsed with the Russian musicians, but it was jazz! Meet Ashkat the bass man. He is the leader of this tour. A crazy white bearded veteran road dog in Russia! He speaks broken English and has a sailor vocabulary and has the stagger of a Viking. At first I don’t think we liked each other. Meet Sergey, the clean cut, family man guitarist who is super nice and accommodating. Those personalities along with Alex, who is completely passive, Bill who is constantly on a practical joke tirade and me, make for an interesting band of thieves. We were LOOSE. After meeting a bunch of people, we took to the stage and played a great show. I had met a few young girls who spoke English and were eager to hang out and party. Well duh…. isn’t that what I came here to do?
Ok - back to the drunken night. I guess I had already had too much to drink at this point (?), but we continued on with the journey. Funny enough, we were led back to our hotel. I was surprised when I walked through the doors and to the bar area. I found myself smack dab in the middle of 8 gorgeous women. I was the only guy. YAY! They were all dressed up and the ringleader girl, whom I had met earlier at the party, introduced me to them all – a lot more rock star than I really am. It was a riot! The girls wanted to flirt and talk \ I wanted to buy them beer. I thought, I have to get a picture of this!!! Some of them were “journalists” I love Russia for this. Eventually the rest of the guys made it there. BOO. Multiple shots of vodka later and then some, I found myself in total binge mode. It was so much fun…. at the time. J We had a great night of hanging and laughing. I am the least sarcastic person and I must say I don’t think I’m that funny and I never tell jokes. But that night Bill Evans and I were going off of each other, making up fake languages trying to stump the girls. I was in rare form. I never joke like that. It was a blast, until the next morning. I swear there had to be something bad in something I drank. Of all the rough nights I’ve had, this one did me in somewhere in the top 5 of my life!! Oh the pain!!! blame it on the juice * get yourself together buddy.
I woke up to the phone. It was Ashkat. “Josh, must be in lobby in one hour for lunch and rehearsal and sound check.” What? It was 11 am. I thought I’d at least have most of the day to recover. Wrong. My head was pounding, my body aching. Something had gone wrong more than normal last night. I immediately went to the bathroom and began to vomit the first of probably ten times. Yup – white wine. The fumes of vodka filled my filthy hotel room. Gross. Luckily there was a water dispenser on my floor. I could barely walk. The pain was ridiculous. I banged back as much water as I could, only to heave it up moments later. I forced a hot shower and stumbled downstairs. I literally could not eat, and could not think. I curled up in a corner and waited while everyone ate lunch! That day was rough. I had to give interviews and sound check. Some of my friends whom I had hung out with the night before came and took care of me ---- angels, they are. I’d say around 6 pm I finally had some soup. Everyone was concerned. Ashkat kept telling me to have a shot of vodka --- “it’ll make everything better.” Right. It came time to do the show. This is one thing I can always do. I gathered my strength and went out and we put on a damn good show for those people. I was dry as a bone but still sang, even with the stale sweat and thick throat of a hung over fiend. Hehehe I never learn. Russia had already bit me. I went to bed that night. Some of the locals went to a Russian bathhouse. I had heard about these. No Americans went. I heard it was some crazy shit. I couldn’t even think about it. I had had my fun. Tomorrow, we go to Novosibirsk, and 2-hour flight east of here. The adventure continues.
PART THREE – SADE, THE SNOW AND WARM BEER
We arrived in Novosibirsk in the afternoon. I immediately went to lunch to feed my tired, still jet-lagged body. This hotel restaurant would be the hang out spot for me for the next three days. I swear on my life, the only music they played for three days straight was Sade. I heard every Sade song over and over again. Ha! Anyways, their food was awful. Mystery meat, poor service and attitudes abounded. We would be the only table and it would take forever to get anything, even with someone speaking Russian! I’ve heard Russia had pretty bad customer service and I have to say I think it’s the worst I’ve ever experienced! Yikes. Novosibirsk is the 3rd largest city in Russia. Meaning New Siberia, it is only a little over 100 years old. We had a day off and then a relaxing one set evening! What a piece of cake! The traveling is the hardest part. The next show proved to be the best one yet. We played very well together and the audience was so into it! I love these audiences because they appreciate us so much. This city loves jazz music and really felt the energy. We signed CDs afterwards and took pictures and met people. It was so much fun. The backstage was a little on the boring side and was full of other musicians performing, so I spent my time dancing around the halls of this building with my iPOD blaring Michael Jackson. I couldn’t stop listening to Bad! It’s pretty funny listening to really dancy funky music while watching traditional Russian people walk around and go about their business. I kept trying to get beer – I just wanted a beer. They have something weird with refrigeration there. I swear, I couldn’t get an ice-cold beer the whole time I was there. Not at the venue, not at the club later that night where we jammed with the locals. I don’t understand! I’m in SIBERIA? Why not just put the beer outside?
It was snowing like a mo fo outside; a serious, bonafied snowstorm. It was as cold as New York gets in January. As I said before, we went to a cool jam session after the concert. The guys were hanging, playing nice jazz. It was a blast from the past for me hearing these tunes and these certain licks that are indicative of a studying jazz musician. It was fun! I played a duo with this crazy guitar player who does tapping and makes all these crazy sound effects. He is kind of a local hero and he asked me to come up and play with him. I kind of got lost in his crazy odd time signature riff, but I think he did too J Even if he didn’t, we both fooled everyone. People liked it and it was so. The next day Bill and I went to the zoo. Novosibirsk has a sick zoo that is mostly outdoors. Damn it was cold! We had a blast though. Three tigers were there. I think one of them had to be Siberian; there were Buffalo and Wolves and Bears. My favorites were the ostriches and the monkeys. We saw a family of monkeys. A father, mother and child were living together. They were so graceful and the baby was hanging on to its mother. It was so cute. You could tell it wanted to jump off and try to swing on the branches by itself, but it was so afraid. The father was swooping in and out as if he could fly. It was unreal to watch. It got my thinking about life and stuff.
We had spent enough time in this city. Let’s talk about the food for one second. My favorite food that we had was this bowl of tiny dumplings filled with pork. Awwww, man – with a little sour cream. This was the best meal I had had yet. Most of the food was unsatisfactory. I was thankful to finally sit down and be blown away by a meal. Most of the meals consisted of a first course salad, always doused in mayo. Now I love mayo, but the way they presented it made me think of old, unrefrigerated mayo, which makes my skin crawl, especially with some undercooked beef or seafood. Yuck! But I still gulped it down because I was starving most of the time….big surprise. I ordered stuffed cabbage a few times, and almost every time the meat was undercooked, pink and gross. I still ate it a few times. Once again, I was starving. I guess I’m so used to the US health regulations. Ugh. I had a lot of good soups. Yay. I love soup. In a chilly Siberian afternoon there is nothing better. I made it through the 9-day tour without a cold, and I even lived fairly hard half the time. I could do Borscht without the sour cream and without the meat. When I had it in Poland it was without the meat. Yum. Borscht. And once again, I’d like to address the warm beer situation in Siberia. Just put the damn beers in the fridge! I don’t get it! Don’t people want to get fucked up here? It’s below zero 4 months out of the year. Anyways, there are plenty of things about Russia that I love.
Part Four – BATTLING OUR WAY TO KEMEROVO
The next day we drove to Cameroon. This was to be a drive around the same distance as New York to Boston. That’s a distance I am extremely familiar with and it does not phase me. Although in Siberia it is different. It was snowing very hard. We took two vehicles. Ashkat drove his rear wheel drive car, and claimed he was going to be smoking the whole drive “so if you don’t like smoke, don’t come with me.” So most of us went in the van, which was driven by a portly Russian guy who had a deep belly laugh and yellow teeth. I never got his name, but I rode shotgun. He knew zero English and I knew zero Russian. I got my lyric books and iPOD ready for the trip. The roads were not great. The highways were thin and seemed like really old. I guess there are no interstates in Siberia. Throughout the trip we saw about 10 cars that had either flipped or spun out into the ditches on the sides of the highway. Some of the time you’d see a police car there. Our driver would get out his camera and take a picture and let out one of his belly laughs! I thought, “holy F, this guy is going 70+ mph on these roads.” We were all looking at each other. Sergey kept saying, “don’t worry, he’s a professional driver.” HA!
We continued on our way and technically only spun out once during the trip. The rest areas were amazing! It was like the Wild West. We walked in and people stared us down. We ordered food – it was pretty good! The bathrooms were 10 rubles to use, and were basically holes in the ground. Eh, no biggie, we’re all human and we’ve done it before. Once we got back on the highway I realized we were next to the Tran Siberian Railroad! It was so cool to see! I even saw a train hauling coal! I was in Siberia, in the middle of a snowstorm, and I saw the train hauling coal. This region was apparently the beginning of the Great Plains of Siberia, which stretches all the way to the end of Russia. Think about this: Kemerovo is a 5-hour flight to Moscow. It is about a fourth of the way across Siberia! It’s freaking huge! We made it to Cameroon in one piece, obviously. I’m in an old, old hotel. These old women run it and they sleep and watch on your floor. The rooms haven’t changed for decades I bet. It reminded me of some Old Russian boarding school or something. I took a nap around 6 pm when we arrived and shocked when I woke up at midnight! Dammit, now I was gonna be up all night. I found a convenient store that was open. The snow and ice crushed under my feet. It was freezing! The store had barely anything to offer, especially since I was on a health kick. They had tons of cookies though. I got tomato juice and yogurt. Hehehe .
The show the next day was great! It was an old-fashioned theater. I loved the curtains. We were the third of 3 groups. I hate waiting to play and there was a shortage of alcohol and really nothing to do so it was a tad boring. But we did our thing. A big band was also playing so we closed out the night sharing the stage with them! This place was like some vaudeville shit! The people loved it! Afterwards we went to a jam session nearby at a place where we had eaten lunch earlier. The food was great there! They had great beer too! I sang Let The Good Times Roll and we all got up and played. The musicians who ran the night were awesome! They were some of the best I had heard the whole trip! I made some nice friends and we all hung out pretty late. I had to wake up at 5 am to go to the airport so I didn’t go crazy. I walked back to the hotel from the venue. It was only a few blocks away. It felt like an eternity! How do people live in this?? No wonder this killed the German army in WWII! No wonder no one goes here! No wonder every time I tell someone I’m going to Siberia they look at me like I’m nuts. And this was only around 0 degrees! It gets below 40 ------ are you kidding??? It was time to go home. I checked my bags and started the 26-hour commute back to New York, which involved two planes, a bus and lots of waiting. I bought one more mystery meat sandwich and one more terrible coffee and said goodbye to this barren frozen land. Nevertheless, it is full of passion, a vessel for beautiful arts, and a breeding ground for absolutely beautiful women. J
I’ve made a few friends that I keep in touch with and I look forward to going back and experiencing more in Siberia. I find myself going to these places and falling in love so easily. I love people! There are so many kinds of people. The people in Siberia gave such a positive response to music. They were so appreciative. No matter how bad you feel, it always feels good to see folks after a show and shake their hand in appreciation. I think that is why I do it! I love the attention and I love performing. I love the intense feelings on a stage and I love the tension and releases of music. It’s a pleasure to live this life.
No comments:
Post a Comment